Growing Trust: Plotting It Out In 5 Steps

10/3/2021

Ideas by Gauri Sood & Dr. Amit Sood, framed by Heather M. F. Lyke

Building trust, whether it be with students or fellow staff members, is foundational for learning and growth to occur. In our recent conversation with student Gauri Sood and her father Dr. Amit Sood, we explore five aspects that, when laid out and actively implemented, help establish trust.

Amit Sood notes that, “people don’t like you for who you are: people like you for how they feel about themselves in your presence.”

Plotting it Out

The Soods share five ways to build trust in such a way that people will grow to “like you for how they feel about themselves in your presence.” And, not surprisingly, these five fall into line much like the points found on a traditional plotline.

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The Exposition: Grow a Strong Reputation

Trust, in part, can be strengthened long before any collaboration occurs between you and your new partners or students, much like the exposition of a story. “Hearing about them before,” Gauri Sood says, helps one enter any new connection with a teacher or leader with a pre-established element of trust. Gauri, currently a senior at Mayo High School, notes that “the person…I would listen to most would be another senior in our class…obviously, we are at the stage where we know it’s good to listen to our teachers and adults—and we will—but at the same time…the person who will hit the hardest is one of my friends or someone from the same grade.”

Therefore, it’s beneficial to lean into those moments where “having a student be the lead” is possible—for that student in the lead could be the one laying the foundation for trust that can be established more quickly with future students or collaborations.

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The Rising Action: Laugh Together

As collaboration begins, teachers and leaders want to be sure their students or staff are aligned in some way. Just as a story unfolds, aligning readers with shared events, with building trust “humor works very well,” Amit Sood says. “A lot of research shows that hearts that laugh together beat together.”

And he’s right. According to Mitra Kalita of Fortune, “The workplace” and schools “need laughter: laughter relieves stress and boredom, boosts engagement and well-being, and spurs not only creativity and collaboration but also analytic precision and productivity.” Kevin Daum of Inc. agrees, sharing that laughter brings positive energy into a space, creates memories, breaks tension, adds perspective, and builds a bonded community.

“If we can laugh together,” Amit Sood continues, “the message we are saying is I’m willing to play with you. It’s evolutionarily ingrained within us: people we can laugh with—we start trusting them. Humor and laughter is all about social connection.”

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The Climax: Assume Positive Intent

Connection, however, doesn’t come without conflict. In a story, just as in real-life, there comes a time when there is a character vs. character/society/etc. moments. It is in this conflict that the climax of the story occurs, and Amit Sood shares that in these high-tension moments one can continue to grow and maintain trust by always “assume[ing] positive intent.” (A.P.I. for short.)

Amit Sood grounds this idea in a story (of course) of a time when Gauri was in grade school and frustrated with the fact that she couldn’t find her purple hair clip. To get through this moment, he told himself, “she is not trying to make me mad or get late…her brain has only matured to a point where she can see the reward that she will get from wearing the purple hair clip.” It is this moment of A.P.I. that allowed him “to reframe and assume she was actually right in her own frame.”

“API—assume positive intent—has helped us a lot,” Amit Sood summarizes. “It’s effortless compassion.”

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The Falling Action: Be Vulnerable & Authentic

Before a story ends, one must embrace the humanity of the character(s). Before trust can be fully fortified, one must embrace the humanity of the leader, the teacher, or of the work. In a novel, this is often seen through how characters handle the outcome of the climax. In a leadership role, this is often established by leaders who are their authentic selves—who are vulnerable.

Gauri Sood shares that, “a teacher that, to an extent, portrays their own views and how they feel keeps things real within the classroom and it’s not this façade of ‘oh, yeah, I am not allowed to share how I feel about anything’ (which sometimes is the case for big topics)”—these are the teachers who grow trust the fastest with their students. “For things that you can provide your opinion on,” she continues, “students really do connect with that, even if they don’t agree completely. They feel like you’re opening up to them.”

It is within this openness that trust resides.

Amit Sood expands on this by noting that shared challenges bring people together as well. “When you say, ‘hey, when this happens, this is what I do,” there is a comradery that builds through that common experience—that shared struggle.”

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The Resolution: Wrap It in a Story

“Lots of stories...” according to Amit Sood, is what builds trust. Through the plotline of trust, as laid out here, learning is brought to life.

For the Third Eye Education podcasting team, trust was established quickly between the Soods and our podcast team. Story after story uninhibited us: made our Zoom call feel more like a fireside chat. And we learned through each tale.

For instance, Amit Sood shared with us how choice—making participation optional—has a direct impact on how well it is received. First, by sharing a story of a two research studies he did at Mayo Clinic: ‘thou shalt’ versus ‘you are invited.’ He notes that the first one— the ‘thou shalt,’ which was required— “increased people’s stress levels, even though we were providing stress management approaches, it didn’t work at all. It fell flat. They got angry that we were forcing them to participate.” While, a “very similar program was offered as an invitation a few years later…and this second study showed massive improvements in stress, resilience, and mindfulness.” Ending with the fact that, therefore, “giving students control—everyone loves control—that’s the key to succeed in any program.”

Amit Sood goes on to share the same idea in an allegorical way. “You offer a bunch of nutrients in the soil to the seed,” he says, “and the seed picks what it the right nutrient for itself. You can’t force it. Apple seed will pick what is right for the apple seed—and the peach and pear will choose what is right for them.”

He simply could have noted that choice has power, or that people engage more with choice, but by wrapping this fact in a true story and an allegory, it’s more memorable. Easier to hold on to. A story we can take with us.

Amit Sood summarizes this idea best when he notes that, “the universe is not made of atoms, it’s made of stories.”

The theme of this story—of these five strategies for trust, interwoven—is perhaps captured best by the Soods themselves: “make them feel worthy [and] they will like you, they will listen to you.” And that’s the story most of us want to be a part of as we lead, as we teach.

Social Emotional Learning as a Collaboration
with Gauri Sood & Amit Sood | 9.28.21
Daughter and father, Gauri and Amit Sood (an international expert on mental health) speak to the team about collaboration with your audience as well as great mental health tools for teachers and students.

Dr. Amit Sood is one of the world's leading experts on resilience and wellbeing, executive director of the Global Center for Resiliency and Wellbeing, and the creator of the Resilient Option program. He has also authored many articles and books, including The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living.

Gauri Sood is co-creator and lead trainer of HappiGenius, a Social Emotional Learning tool for young learners. She also serves as a member of the education committee for the Rochester Community Initiative and the Rochester Youth Commission, and she is the teen representative for Food Allergies of Rochester, MN. Gauri is a senior at Mayo High School.

Heather M. F. Lyke is the Teaching & Learning Specialist for Dover-Eyota Schools and author of numerous articles focusing on quality education.